My story is one of breaking down to breakthrough, it’s a story of gentle spiritual recovery from complete emotional, financial and energetic burnout.
As I sit here at the start of a New Year, I feel a deep urge to begin to share with you some of the wisdom I have learned in my 3 years of burnout recovery. I’m sharing these words with you in the hope that the lessons I have gained may help you through your struggle and this article may shine a little light into the darkness of your situation.
In 2012 my world was seriously rocked following 24 months of relentless, unavoidable life challenges, which included 2 miscarriages, my step father having a heart attack, the closure of my on-line business and the end of my relationship.
I was suffering from adrenal fatigue, I couldn’t work and I was 100k in debt. I felt completely empty; my confidence was at rock bottom and my identity and status as a public figure in the field of personal development was shattered.
It felt as if the life I had been living had evaporated overnight. I was emotionally, physically and spiritually numb.
For the first time in my adult life, I stopped everything I was doing, I let go all my thoughts, hopes and dreams for the future and I surrendered to the fact that I had absolutely no idea about what was going to happen next in my life.
I signed up for financial government assistance and for months I sat in the stillness of my garden. I painted old dressers and sold them online and watched hours of mindless TV. It may sound dull however this period felt like bliss, after years of struggle, pushing and striving, my mind and body were finally relaxing and gently returning to a healthy natural state.
This was the first time in my adult life I had allowed myself to rest deeply. I didn’t have a job and the only commitment on my list was to dance for 2.5 hours twice per week at my local 5 Rhythms, movement meditation class. I had no idea back then that this incredible practice was to become the gateway to dramatic changes in my emotional, physical and spiritual being.
In this quiet, inward period of my life, I became a committed student of Taoism, Conscious Evolution, Spiritual Awakening and the principles of the Divine Feminine. As I embraced and embodied all I was learning, I began to live life differently.
I had no extra money at this time so began to live simply and mindfully in the comfort of my own home and garden. I loved the peace and in the stillness I felt. I began to adopt a trusting attitude to the natural unfolding of my life and a deeper connection with my higher self and Spirit emerged. This new way of living or indeed being felt deeply nourishing and wholesome. In retrospect this was something which I had craved inwardly for a long time – I craved it but had no idea of how to reach it with my old mindset and behaviours.
A wonderful turning point in my recovery arose when a friend handed me a book on living a life based on the desires of our heart. The words in the book instantly resonated with me and within a few days I had traded idea of goal setting and future planning with a list of my hearts emotional cravings.
I chose words which would light my world up such as poetry, creativity, peace, calm, nourished and wonder.
These inspiring and nourishing words became the guiding force behind my daily choices and this amazing little exercise delivered me immediately into even more feelings of presence joy, gratitude and fulfilment. My emotional and energetic landscape was changing and hope was back on the horizon of my life.
I have always been a go getting, hard working (workaholic to be honest!) motivated, action orientated individual. I know how to focus my mind and work with the law of attraction to create my reality. These days however, I’m living my life in a whole new way.
I fundamentally believe my life experience has been spiritually supervised and I believe that my painful personal experience of losing my ego identity was essential to birth my NEW Harmonizing Mindful life design process. 3 years on, my life is naturally unravelling. This year feels filled with promise as I roll out my new chat show and launch my Harmonizing retreats and teachings on-line. Who would’ve thought my burn out was actually a story of sacred exhaustion, spiritual recovery and life realignment.
When we give up our fixed ideas of the future and let go into the mystery, when we embrace uncertainty and trust in the rhythm of life, new experiences may be waiting to meet up with us and lead us into our deepest fulfilment. If I didn’t let everything go back then, I’d still be knocking my head against a brick wall today.
I hope this glimpse into my story can offer you a little hope and spark some thoughts about the spiritual meaning behind your exhaustion or your stuck~ness. Who knows, perhaps your current emotional and physical state are simply a sign post, a call out from your spirit to help you change direction and move towards a more fulfilling future.
If you are interested in learning about how to step into this more gentle way of living and unravelling in your life, you can join me on my 5 day Harmonizing retreats or sign up to my introduction to Harmonizing course which is launching on-line in January 2016.
Sending you so much love